


Can't Live With Myself or Without You

by PhantomSpade



Category: Doki Doki Literature Club! (Visual Novel)
Genre: Angst, Insanity, Insecurity, One Shot, Other, POV First Person, Possibly Unrequited Love, Psychological Horror, References to Depression, Sad Ending, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-28
Updated: 2018-10-28
Packaged: 2019-08-09 00:19:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 666
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16439582
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PhantomSpade/pseuds/PhantomSpade
Summary: Sayori's thoughts as she loses herself to insanity and depression dealing with misery and unrequited love.





	Can't Live With Myself or Without You

**Author's Note:**

> A little Halloween treat. 
> 
> Doki Doki Literature Club (c) Team Salvato

_Growing up, you see me as someone happy._

_I was always so cheerful, so bouncy,_

_I was the kind of girl who would be your day of sunshine that greeted you every morning._

_You would always scold me whenever I slept in late, always waiting or leaving me to catch up to you._

_You have always told me to watch my weight whenever I over-ate. I would try to stop, but I couldn't stop myself._

_But you still stuck around for me._

_I was the kind of girl you would see me as an annoying little sister. A girl that you still hung around._

_At least, that was the kind of girl you have always seen me as on the outside._

_That day, I've brought you to the literature club because I was worried about your future. I didn't want you to spend the rest of your life having no job, not going outside a lot, just reading manga and playing videogames._

_I really wanted you to be happy, more than I was._

_But the problem was, I wasn't happy myself._

_For the longest time, I felt like I had no light in my heart. I was practically drowning in a river where I made no attempt to swim out of it._

_I couldn't remember when I became like this. One day...I just started becoming so gloomy, losing every positive feeling that I used to feel. I came to the conclusion that if I wanted others to be happy, then I should let go of mine, no matter how much it hurted me._

_That was why I had to look happy, be happy in front of everyone. If anyone saw how miserable and sad I really was, how much of a burden I was...I wouldn't be making them happy._

_Since the day I chose not to pursue my happiness, that also meant trying to give up my feelings for you._

_After you've joined the club, I've watched you get close to the other girls. It made sense, honestly, that you'd be more interested in them than in me._

_Yuri was shy around most people, but she was beautiful in looks and words. Natsuki was snappy, but she really did have a heart of gold._

_Me? There was nothing special about me. I wanted you to be happy, so I tried to keep these feelings to myself._

_But then...I just spilled. My feelings just suddenly poured out in front of you, along with dropping the mask I've been wearing for so long._

_For only a second, when you accepted my confession, I felt happy. It was such a rare feeling nowadays, that when I felt it, it was refreshing. So warm and inviting._

_But the feeling went away when I realized something horrible. Were you actually happy? Why did you accept my confession?_

_What if...you just did that because you saw how miserable I was, and you wanted me to be fine? Am I making you unhappy?_

_I was such a horrible person...I was selfish, and I was being a burden to you. I don't deserve you...I should have been making you happy..._

_What...What's going on? Why am I suddenly getting these voices in my head? Who's...talking to me? Do I know...this person?_

_That voice...so familiar..but..Please, get her out...get her out of my head!_

_These thoughts....this cruel, cruel voice. Telling me to die, to kill myself...I was a burden...I make everyone unhappy...just by being around them...._

_She kept uttering them....My mind was breaking down....I couldn't stop her._

_There's a rope....A chair...She's right, I deserve to die...You will be happy when I'm gone...I'm so sorry..._

_Please...stop talking....stop saying those things....Who are you? Why are you in my head?!_

_My rope in digging into my throat...I..I c-can't..b-breathe...Why...Why...am..I...t-trying to...c-claw my...t-throat...?_

_A-Are you happy now-?_


End file.
